Giving Thanks

I had intended to post this on Thanksgiving Day, but things got busy and . . . you know. Anyway, this is a story that I've told to some friends and family before.

A few years ago we were in an awful predicament. Business wasn't good and we just never had any money. We couldn't afford gas in our cars; we couldn't buy clothes or shoes for the kids when they needed them. Sometimes we couldn't even afford groceries. Finally, our van broke down; I had to borrow a car every day—usually Melanie's—so I could get my kids to school each day. At first I called her every day to see if I could use her van, but then she just made arrangements for me to drive her to work in the morning, keep her car and then pick her up in the afternoon. Jessica was about two or three, and still in diapers, but I usually couldn't afford to buy them. When the diapers ran out I would work up my nerve and call Melanie—or sometimes my mother-in-law—to see if she could buy diapers for us. I felt so hopeless to always be calling and asking someone to bail me out—again and again and again.

Melanie was always nice, very understanding and never complaining or questioning my need. One day she told me that she had been setting aside $50 every month so that she could help me out. I felt so bad about this! I knew that money didn't flow in free abundance in Melanie's household either. I can't describe how I felt always asking her to save me, and knowing that in her own need she was willing to do so much for me. I would truly go as long as possible before I did ask for help. But that was never really very long.

One day I had to ask her, once again, to buy diapers for Jessica. Even though Melanie was always kind—she never sounded even a little bit frustrated with me—I started out on my own guilt trip anyway. And then something happened. I felt, physically felt, something snap and change inside of me. I suddenly knew that I could no longer feel guilt or sorrow for this; somehow my body and heart and mind were unable to carry that load any more. I had to let it go. And then the only feeling left in me was a tremendous gratitude. I could only be incredibly thankful for the help I received, and for the good things I did have.

It changed things a lot. We were still broke, and without a car. I still had to borrow or beg for so many things that we needed. It was months before we could even start to think of making a turn-around. But things felt better. I was happier; I was better.

Now, a few years later, things are still very rough. I can still get in a funk about my problems. But I really am thankful for what I do have. Big things, and small. So it seems appropriate, at "the end of the Thanksgiving season," to list some the things that I am thankful for:

First of all, I am thankful for my family. Bruce is my best friend and I know he loves me with all of his heart. I am thankful for a good marriage, and for a husband whom I love.

I am thankful for Michael. I love his sense of humor. I love that we can play and tease with each other. I'm thankful for the computer help he gives me when I need it.

I am thankful for Jason. I'm thankful for his spiritual nature, and his love of good music (read, "music that I love too"). I enjoy his sense of humor a lot too.

I am thankful for Lindsey. I am so glad that she is helpful and so kind. I'm thankful for how cheerful she is.

I am thankful for Brandon. I love his creativity, his silly wit, and the humor he brings into our home.

I am thankful for Ryan. I love how bright he is, and that he still likes to give me hugs.

I am thankful for Kaylie. I love to see her dance, and I'm glad she loves music. I love her enthusiasm and persistence.

I am thankful for Rachel. I love to see how much thought she puts into her projects, and I love to see her artistic talent. She is also developing a fun sense of humor.

I am thankful for Jessica. She is my little ray of sunshine; I love her sweetness and how bright she is. I am thankful that she is still snuggly.

I am thankful for Melanie; that she is not just my sister, but my good, good friend.

I am thankful for my family and for Bruce's family.

I am thankful for my home, my car, fall leaves, paper snowflakes, good health and a happy family.

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have felt their love for me lately. I have felt it through scriptures, through good music, through talks by church leaders. I have felt it in the temple and through prayer.

I hope I can always remember to be truly thankful—and learn to be thankful in all things. And so may we all.

Blessings in Disguise

After about two weeks of sleepless nights I caught a nasty head cold. On top of the sleepless-tired, I became sick-tired as well. My brain quit working altogether. For example:

• I woke up one morning to discover that one of the "nobodies" in my house had turned the thermostat off the previous night—the house was freezing! So I sat there, looking at the thermostat for a good thirty seconds, trying to figure out what the temperature in the house was. I could see the numbers all right, I just couldn't understand what they were telling me.
• Later, I was trying to alter a recipe to make only 2/3 of the recipe. Normally this is very easy for me. But even after taking several minutes to adjust the amounts I couldn't then remember the measurements I'd come up with.
• I would sit and stare at my untied shoes trying to decide what I had to do next.
• I couldn't read music and play it too.

My brain really was not working. (And, no, I was not on drugs—we're out of cold medicine, and how could I actually think to go get some?)

So where is the blessing in all of this? I actually slept. And slept and slept. I fell asleep quickly at night; I slept in clear until 7:00 every morning. I took two or three naps a day; and all of this for about five days straight!

I'm still recovering from the cold—you know, cough and all that. But wow! I feel so much better!

Nights of the Living Dead

It is 3:50 a.m. and I am awake. This is really unfair since I have no infants in the house. But it happens to me a lot, and I am just tired (which is why I haven't had much to say here lately. Just can't think.). I'm sure I must look like a zombie most of the time. Well, my friend says I just look very tired—she says zombies are really ugly. But I kind of feel like a zombie most of the time.

So here I sit at 4:00 in the morning, writing a really dumb post just because I can't sleep. Gotta love that.

Just Wrong!

The other day Jessica and I went window-shopping, just to get out of the house and see some new sights. We looked at jewelry (she kept telling me she wanted to look at jewelry, although she didn't know what "jewelry" was until we actually looked at some), we looked at clothes, we looked at Christmas decorations, we looked at toys. As we walked past the lingerie department Jessica said, in a thoroughly shocked tone, "That's wrong!!"
I turned around to see what she was talking about, and there was a mannequin dressed in a "Santa's helper" bra and panties. When I asked her about it, she said, "Santa Claus wears his own underwear!"

I guess she's right. :-)

Technical Stuff

OK. For all you blind people, I made my font-size bigger. But, if that's still not good enough, Michael says you can increase the size from your end. Just push the "control" button (Ctrl) and scroll up or down with your mouse. And hey! I tried it and it works just swell!

(OK. Now Michael, Mr. Smarty-Pants, is saying that we would know these things if we would just mess around with our computers a little bit sometimes, and usually when you mess around it's not going to break anything . . . and he's still talking . . .)

Thank you, Michael. ;-)