I am signed up for English 2010—an online class; and Cardio Fitness again (wait, did I already tell you this? Hm.) I've got Flexibility for Fitness; had Zumba, but went to one class and realized that "zumba" is just a fancy name for "aerobics"—and I have hated—passionately hated—aerobics ever since the 80's, even at my peak of physical fitness. So I dropped Zumba quickly. And I have Algebra, which is causing me fits. And I have Corset Making.
Corset Making is, by far, the most interesting, so I'll tell you some things I have learned about corsets:First, there actually is something appealing about a piece of clothing that sucks your gut in for you, corrects your posture, and lifts your saggy . . . bosoms. (And I think it's actually more comfortable than some of those Spandex body-shapers.)
I made the mock-up for my corset this week and had the fitting today. My friend, Cherylene (say "Sherleen") was fitting me. She'd get me all pinned up and then call the teacher, Eugene, to come check her work. Eugene would say to me, "How does that feel? Does it feel like it's supporting you?" Well, it did feel like the tightest piece of clothing I've ever worn—including leotards and Miracle Suit swimsuits. But I really didn't know how it was supposed to feel. Finally, after about the tenth time he asked me, I said, "Well, I don't usually wear a corset, so I don't really know if it's right."
Then, since my corset was the first one to get close to fitting properly, he had me demonstrate for the class lifting myself up ("Could you reach down your shirt and lift your breast?") so they'd know how to fit the corset to lift and not mash down. (One girl, seeing me fearlessly reach into my shirt and lift—in front of the whole class—laughingly said to me, "Now I just love you!")
Finally Eugene and Cherylene got me all snugged up, and lifted up, and now I do know what a corset should feel like. For next week I have to fix my pattern and sew up the alterations.
The second thing I learned (or figured out) is this: There is NO WAY you could ever put your corset on all by yourself. I realized this when I was fitting Cherylene. I had to grab hold of those seams and pull with all my might, and then pin it in tighter and tighter and tighter. Now, imagine trying to put on a tight pair of jeans and get them zipped up. It is really difficult, but at least you can do tricky things like lie down on your back and suck your tummy in. (Come on; we've all done it!) But how on earth can you suck in your tummy and your sides and your back-fat and lift your boobs up and put on a garment that can't hold itself up (having no sleeves) and then fasten it? It can't be done! Seriously, I dare you to try it. No wonder Scarlett had Mammy tugging on her laces while she held on to the bedpost.
The last thing I learned about corsets is that they're probably not really all that sexy. I know you can sometimes see them in the lingerie department; but those must just be eye-candy corsets—not corsets that actually do their job.
It's like this: You manage to squeeeeeze yourself into your corset somehow, and you look beautiful—maybe even sexy! Thin, flat tummy; full, lifted breasts; amazing posture—lovely! But if you were to open this package (and I know this from experience today) all that stuff that you somehow squeezed in just mooshes out. Think of filling a Ziploc baggie with bread dough, and then letting the dough rise until the baggie is full almost to bursting. Then you take a knife and cut a lengthwise slit in the baggie. All the dough just kind of "balloops" out onto the counter. This is what happens to your body when you loosen the corset. See what I mean? Not sexy.I am learning so much in school!
