Murder on the East Side

On Wednesday, September 23, 2009, being left to my own devices, I executed my long-planned attack on Juniper, an innocent shrubbery which stands in our east-side yard. At 9:27 a.m. I found a weapon, marched outside, and brutally and mercilessly hacked at it, killing it limb by limb while the sound of Mozart drifted through the air. It was just like a horror movie for trees. Only, unlike the killers in the movies, I had no cunning, elaborate scheme for disposing of the corpse. Most of it went out with the trash on Thursday, but some of the remains remain. [above right: the scene of the crime: Juniper, with her limbs scattered on the ground]


I always feel kind of guilty killing a green, healthy, living plant . . . well, not weeds. But how else do you get rid of an eleven-foot tree/shrub/thing that you don't want any more?

Standing knee-deep in the carnage . . . er, herbage

Actually I never did want that juniper. It was one of three that stood in the yard when we bought the house. I destroyed the first two in the first year we lived there. (And, yes, I felt kind of bad chopping up those living, thriving things, even though I didn't want them and wouldn't have put them in those particular spots even if I had wanted them.) I've let this last one live, mostly because "out of sight, out of mind." And it never blocked my view out the front window.

But this year my mom is removing a privet hedge from her yard, and it's mine if I want it. Well, yes, I do! It will make a nice alternative (and a less expensive one) than putting a fence there. But the juniper was in my way. And like most of those evil, murderous villains, I was not about to let the life of an innocent shrubbery put a stop to my plans.

"The world is spinning! Can this be happening to me? I feel so faint . . ."

Yes! Yes! I confess; I did it! Even though Fast Orange removed all traces of Juniper's sap from my hands, I admit it. I did do it! I killed that poor, unsuspecting tree/shrub/thing! I did it; and I'm glad I did!


Now when can I get that hedge in?

The Daily Funnies

My family is really funny. Really!

So here are some recent funnies:

We had yogurt for breakfast. Bruce (looking at the yogurt carton): "Oh, this yogurt is 'all natural.'"

Michael: "Yeah, they just found it that way."

Jason: "My eyes are weary with rolling."
(Say that whenever someone says a dumb thing to you!)

Driving home late one night, Bruce bursts into song.
Brandon: "Big, dumb, and tone-deaf. I'm so glad I was unconscious for all this."
(OK. Brandon is not just rude, he was quoting a movie.)

We were talking about the mummy we made in home-school several years ago.

Michael: "I liked it better when we used Lindsey's face, because it was thinner than Jason's face."
Jason: "What's wrong with my face?"
Michael (teasing): "I just don't like looking at it."

Jessica (very seriously): "No one does."

Seventh Child of the Seventh Child

Rachel Irene North was born to our family on Saturday, June 22, 2002 (the day after Lindsey's 6th birthday!)

I love this funny picture! Rachel is doing this thing that all my babies did, but she is the only one I caught a good picture of. She's making a kind of "sh-shing" sound through her little wrinkled-up nose.

On that Saturday in June, I'd been having some pretty good, strong (although not terribly painful) labor--contractions about 5 minutes apart--for an hour or so that morning, so around 11:00 I told Bruce that we should probably go to the hospital soon. But first I had to make sure we had food in the house for the other kids, so I ran to the grocery store. It was a "try this" day, and everyone there had something for me to sample, and I would say, "Sorry--in labor--gotta hurry." I know, you are wondering why I didn't send Bruce to the store. I don't know. I probably told him to fix the swamp cooler or something. Anyway, one sample lady finally caught on and hurried me to the cash register; the sample lady, the cashier and the lady in line ahead of me were all amazed that I was shopping while I was in labor.

Bruce and I drove up to the hospital and, as always with me, the half hour drive made the labor stop. But I was not about to let them send me home. I told them this (true) story: "All my babies come fast--in a couple hours; and this is my seventh." And they checked me and I was dilated to 5 so they were not about to send me home either. But since the labor had stopped and they had to call my doctor, they sent me for a walk. Bruce and I walked around for about an hour before they gave me my own room. Then they put me on pitocin to get the labor going again and left us alone. And then I got really scared. Labor and delivery are really terrifying to me; yes, even though I'd done it six times before, I was scared to the point of tears. [above: 4 years old]

2 months old

But it all went just fine. The pitocin did it's job; the epidural did not. Delivering Rachel was like delivering a basketball. But she was such a cute little girl!

When we were choosing names I had considered giving her the middle name of Irene, for my dad's mother, but Rachel Irene sounded so old-fashioned and we decided to call her Rachel Marie. But Marie just didn't sit right with me, and within a few weeks I just had to change it from Marie to Irene after all. It was kind of a hassle, but we are happy with her name. And it turns out that Irene is the name of Bruce's great-grandma too!

Rachel has been an artist ever since she could hold a crayon. And she has practiced writing her name ever since she learned to spell it: on my closet door; on a table cloth; on Bruce's dresser . . .

Rachel's most recent piece of artwork; she gave this to me last Saturday.

Rachel is a very smart girl; she was the top of her class in reading, writing and math both in Kindergarten and in first grade, and started second grade reading 120 words per minute. She is kind of a tease, and can be very silly. She loves cats, and she loves playing with her brothers and sisters.

We are very happy to have Rachel in our family!

Hmmm. What to Say?

I keep thinking it's about time I said something to y'all here. But, what?

Got any ideas?