While my life has become infinitely busier since I started school, I think it has become more boring as well. (How's that for a paradox?) I used to have deep thoughts. I used to have an idea what was going on with my kids. I used to think about what kind of super-powers I would have. I used to redecorate my house. Now I mostly think about school and homework.
And I wonder, Why am I going to school, again?
The thing is, I don't really know why. At first I was interested because I'd picked up a copy of Threads magazine at the store, and as I thumbed through it I realized that even though I am quite a good seamstress, I didn't know a lot of what they were talking about. I thought, I should get into the fashion design program at SLCC and learn all this stuff! It sounded pretty cool. And then I thought that if I did learn all that stuff I could sew for people from home and maybe earn a little extra money. Yeah, it all sounded pretty good.
But the more time I spend in school, the more I wonder if it's really "all that." I have learned a few techniques that I didn't know, but a lot of the sewing stuff is review to my 20 + years of practice. I have learned a lot about pattern making, but in the pattern classes I realized that I could figure out how to do it just by reading the book. Often I'd just do the work on my own—without teacher instruction—and when it was due the teacher would tell me if it was good, bad, or ugly. My work was always fabulous! (No, I'm not just being silly—it really was.) So I kind of think, If I had the book—or knew what books to read—I could learn this at home by myself.
In the mean time I'm also taking classes like Algebra and History to complete my degree. These classes are very interesting, but they take up a lot of my brain power and time. I really like all my classes when I'm at school—even Algebra and History, and I'm very conscientious about getting my homework done well and on time.
But I miss being at home. I miss having the time to work on my house, grow my pathetic garden, can tomatoes and peaches, paint the walls, sew for my kids, try out new and exciting recipes (or just spend the time to make some old favorites), shop for my family . . .
I really miss being a housewife—the mom and the wife of my home.
So I look at my objectives in going to school in the first place. 1. Learning new (sewing) stuff. Yep, I think if I knew what books to look at I could do it on my own. 2. Earning money by sewing from home. Um, I'm not sure I'm quite so keen on that any more. But even if I was, do I really need a degree to do it? Would any of my clients ask about my English grades?
 |
| inside my head |
On the other hand, I want to be home. It's really cool to redecorate my house and do all the other afore-mentioned stuff. And I'm pretty proud of my fantastic work at home!
On the other hand, maybe I'm just tired of school because I haven't had a real break yet. Maybe if I take next summer off I'll feel differently by next fall.
On the other hand, UGH! Nine more months of almost non-stop college before I get a break just so I can make a decision about whether or not to keep going? That's like an entire pregnancy!!
On the other hand, it's only about two more years.
On the other hand, my little kids are growing up now while all my attention is focused on school! Jessica, my baby, will be ten in two years.
It goes around and around and around. What would you do if you were me?
In fact, I'm going to put a poll in the sidebar! Not like you really get to choose for me, but it will entertain me. :-)
5 comments:
That's a hard decision. I wish you the best of luck. :)
This is really Stephanie. I'm signed in as Bradley. :)
Maybe do a lighter load of classes. It may take 4 years instead of 2, but you'd get to spend more time doing what you want while also showing your kids it's important to stick to something (and that college is important).
Well, I have thought about it for awhile now and you know what, I don't know.
I see the value in sticking to something, to not being a quiter, to teach your kids by example the importance of finishing, but I also think your not a quiter and there are other ways(just as good) to teach them this important lesson. Some kids will need to 'fall on their faces' to really figure this out.
I also think if your happiest at home then why would you want to trade your Celestrial job for a Telestrial job. Just a thought.
While college is important, how grads are finding jobs these days? I think it is more important to teach your kids the value in praying to God for conformation of a plan and then sticking to that, then trying to figure things out yourself.
So there you go. Just pray about your choices.
Finish your degree. You started this process for a reason. Things are tough now, and you are starting to question your decision. Valid thoughts, but as they say in school...the first answer you choose is usually the right answer! ;-)
And orangemily is right. You don't have to take a full load each time.
Post a Comment