The Mighty Huntress

I have become a mighty hunter...

stupid, hairy, flying dust-clod

...of moths.

We have no air-conditioning in our house, and we have no screens in most of our windows. We also have no other means of airflow through the house. So when it cools down in the evening we throw open the doors and windows to cool down the house over night. Unfortunately this lets every kind of bug into the house too. We get spiders, flies, mosquitoes, the occasional cricket, and, once, a praying mantis. But what we get most of is moths. I have never seen so many moths in one place as I have since we moved into our house here in Vernal.

Now, I have a thing about bugs. A hatred thing. Therefore the penalty for any bug coming into my house is death. Well, not most spiders. I catch them and throw them outside, where they belong, so they can eat bugs. The praying mantis went outside for the same reason. But those moths...

Once, a couple of weeks ago, a Big moth flew out of a bathroom towel into the toilet. I think, "A-ha! Got you now!" and I slam the lid, and flush. Peek in. It's still there, hanging onto the inside of the bowl. I try two more times, to no avail. That moth must have fluttered up each time the water touched its feet, and then landed in the same spot. Now what will I do? When I get up in the middle of the night I do not want a moth fluttering around my bottom. Well, the fourth time worked; the moth was sucked into the vortex. But this will never do!

Bugs do not belong in the house! I avoid touching bugs, and bugs must never touch me. Ever! So these moths are a problem because they are, basically, hairy, flying dust-clods—and they're not even that good at flying. They are constantly freaking me out by fluttering around my face and head. Or, when I go to use a towel, a moth or two will fly out at me. I flail at them and dodge them the best I can until bedtime.

I don't know who drew this very accurate picture of me
with a moth in my bedroom at night. It was probably a moth.
(I found it on a google image search)

But in the morning... Oh! Mwah-ha-ha-haaa! In the morning!

Last summer Bruce would put the hose attachment onto the vacuum cleaner and chase moths down with it. This year I discovered that, first thing in the morning, they are all sleeping on the ceiling and walls—easy prey! I wake up earlier than everyone else, so I have taken on this task of killing the moths. At first I worried that running the vacuum early in the morning would wake up my family. But... they are all teenagers—and Bruce, who sleeps like a teenager.

I start in the upstairs hallway, just outside my bedroom door. This hall is the favorite sleeping place of the moths. This morning there must have been twenty or more just on that hallway ceiling. Which, before, would have disgusted and alarmed me, but since I've taken up my hunting hobby it's actually pretty great: a gazillion moths just sitting up there, waiting for me to suck them into the depths of my vacuum, never to be seen again! I stealthily aim the vacuum hose at one, turn on the power, and SCHLOOP! A moth is gone, down to the depths where it belongs. I continue until all are finished; gone; no more.

Well, most of them. Some of them wake up and flutter into another room.

If my walls were this nasty it would serve me right to have bugs,
but my house is clean!
(picture courtesy of Wiki How)

I move on to the bathroom. I take the vacuum in, shut the door behind me, and first get the ones sleeping on the walls. Then I beat the rest of them out of the towels and shower curtain. They are harder to catch when I wake them like this, but I want to do my job thoroughly.

Down to the main floor hallway—the second favorite sleeping spot. Another dozen dead. Into the living room. ZAP the ones on the ceiling and walls, beat out the ones in the curtains, and catch them. The kitchen. The dining room. The great room. Then I go around again, searching for the ones that, during the chase, flapped to a new spot.

This morning was my biggest catch ever. And no surprise: Ryan told me that late last night, when he turned on the kitchen light, it sounded like a hailstorm of moths pounding the light fixture. I believe him. If I vacuumed up fewer than fifty moths this morning...well, it was not much less than fifty. (I did not take a picture because 1. I was focused on the task at hand, and
2. Eeeww! You will just have to take my word for it: fifty moths in my house this morning.) As a bonus, I vacuumed up four flies and six mosquitoes while they slept, too.

Yes. I am Mighty. Look on my works, ye moths, and despair!