My Dad

"What happens when, too early, we lose a parent, that party on whom we rely for only...everything?"

My dad passed away last Friday, September 2, 2016. It has been a long time since I've relied on him for everything. Dad was eighty-eight years old; some might say that I didn't lose him too early. But I will tell you that no matter how old your parents are or how much time you've had with them, it is always too early to lose them.

Dad had Alzheimer's. I've never written about this, and when I have talked about it I've only mentioned the funny things he said or did because otherwise it is just too sad to think about. I saw him go from realizing that he couldn't remember things (he'd tell my kids, "I know that I know who you are, but I can't remember your names."), to only recognizing my mom and his own kids, to not really remembering any of us. Except for Mom; he always knew that she was his sweetheart.

So I saw him progress—if "progress" could possibly be the right word for this—in his disease until he wasn't like the dad I knew at all.

Despite this, it is painful to lose him altogether.

This is my dad. The man who carried my baby picture in his wallet for...forever, as far as I know. He would come home from work and grab my feet and tickle them, or whisker my neck with his chin. He would "tuckle" me in at night (tickle and tuck me in). He carried me on his shoulders when we went on outings (although that was pretty scary—I only realized later that I have a fear of heights). He built my dollhouse; he drove me to dance lessons night after night after night for years. He paid for the dance lessons (and tons of costumes) too, while we're on that thought. He played word-games with me, making up words or sentences from people's license-plates, or changing the letters of words around.

 (One time he really puzzled me by asking me to get his "pie-tin" when he was getting ready for a meeting. He wanted his tie-pin.) He took me out driving when I was just learning how (and I know how scary it can be to take a brand-new teenage driver out!). He walked me down the aisle when I got married. My Dad.

Right now my heart is broken. I have just lost my father; my life will never be the same again.