Do you feel like people are watching you?I mean, all the time watching you—to see how you look, how you behave, noticing the way you walk, what you say, how you do things? Do you go around like you're an actor on some big stage, knowing that the entire world sees what you're doing and so you want to do everything just right—because you only get this one take, and there's been no rehearsal? And since everyone is watching and judging your performance you have to be the most graceful, the most witty, the most talented, the most . . . everything? Not only that, though, but that you can almost feel people watching your every move?
Do you ever feel that way, or is it just me?
I had made up my mind that it was just me, and that I feel this way because of things I heard over and over when I was growing up:
"People notice what you do if you're a member of the church."
"Was that your daughter playing the piano? I thought it was a recording!"
"You can always tell a dancer walking down the street."
"Look what Loralee did (made/wrote/said)."
"You might hide it from the world, but you can't hide it from God."
"If you don't want people to see you, go dance in the bathroom."
"People are watching to see if you live up to the standards you claim."
"Loralee, play [choose any of my piano lesson-songs] for them."
So I figured it was just me, and that I just became a weirdo because I let all those kinds of comments go to my head. Of course everyone watches me! So I need to walk like a princess, and do everything I do wonderfully.
I'm not as bad now as when I was as a teenager; I mean I don't think about what other people might think of me quite so much as I used to. After all, it's "none of my business what other people think of me," right? And I get so pleased with the things I do that I almost don't need anyone else to praise me; or, perhaps more accurately, I shouldn't need it. But I do like it—I want everyone to think I am just marvelous! And I am kind of a perfectionist, to boot; I seem to be naturally driven to excel.
I bring this up because last night I saw a book at the library in the teenager-section, and it was about a girl who thought everyone just automatically noticed everything about her all. the. time. And so she went through life trying to be like some movie-star who was always on camera.
Wow! I guess other people do feel that way. But do nice people outgrow it when they quit being teenagers? Am I just weird?
3 comments:
You are watched—and not just by me.
You are the most significant person in the world to me, Loralee, and way up high on the list for one or two dozen other people. But not for everyone.
Yet you are still an example to hundreds—and possibly thousands—of people. The way you do things. And why. Even the kinds of things you chose to do.
The performer's job is to express a feeling or idea so that others can share it with her. So keep performing, Loralee. We need those great thoughts and words, to hear the music you play, your example of strength and courage, and your testimony of life and God.
I don't worry about being watched when I'm out in public places. It only matters what people who I have to be with think of me so I only try to be better than usual when I'm with people I'll see many times again
I don't agree with what Michael says. Well, that's not entirely true. I do want to be on my personal best when I'm around people I know and will be around again. It's also possible that you will see people that you don't know again. What you do really does leave an impression. And, yes Mom, You are being watched. By so many people who think that you are so amazing.
That is why people watch you. Because you are amazing.
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