I started in the fashion program at SLCC because I could sew. I can seeeeewwww. And I wanted to gain some finesse, learn to make patterns, and I wasn't averse to learning other skills—like hat-making, or drawing.
This semester I am in all these classes that are trying to make a designer out of me. My first assignment in Illustration is to tell/show why, what, and who I design for, "show what inspires [my] designs," and draw three outfits. I have to say (in pictures or words) who I am, why I design the things I do, who I'd like to work for as a designer, what my life goal is (as a designer)...
In my Outerwear class I have to make an inspiration board—a poster that shows what inspires my designs. And the coat I make has to reflect that inspiration.
In Entrepreneurship I have to figure out what inspires me so I can write out a business plan.
Well right now nothing inspires me! Nope. Nothing. I am sick, I am super-tired, I am maybe just a little stressed out by Bruce and me both being in school, and my house being a wreck, and other personal/family messes. I honestly do not find anything inspiring. Cuddling up on the couch with a good book or two, several of my favorite movies, my warm, snuggly robe and a big blanket, a fire in the fireplace and maybe a space-heater in the room, some warm, creamy, savory comfort-foods at hand, and the kids in another room playing together quietly . . . That is all I want right now, and all I've wanted for the last two weeks. There's an uplifting thought!
I never set out to be a designer! School is making me think and, no, I don't think I like it! It has me constantly wondering who I am and what I really want.
Since I got married I have always wanted to be a great wife, a stay-at-home mom, a fabulous cook, and a good housekeeper. And I was. Sheeesh! I didn't even need to go outside much—my home was my world and I was happy. I liked my little orbit.
Then, for various reasons, I got this bee in my bonnet about improving my skills and maybe being a little marketable—maybe being able to work from home. I went to school just to wet my toes and maybe earn a fashion certificate—that's all they offered when I started. But my ambition grew when I found out that they were going to start offering an associate's degree program the very year I enrolled. And when I realized that my work was generally admired and I was getting straight A's my secret little competitive streak grew to about a mile wide. And, of course, getting a degree of any kind sounds like a good idea. But the degree was the goal. I hadn't really thought it out any further than that—I guess I'd have hung my degree on my bedroom wall and if someone asked me to make their prom dress I'd do it.
My Illustration teacher, last semester, said that I could sell anything—for a company, or my own designs—with my "professional" illustrations. The teacher I admire most says that I've really grown, that my designs are marketable to all ages, and that they are well thought out; on every big assignment she's said that buyers would probably "buy [my] entire line."
But I don't feel like that. I don't see the world around me in terms of fashion; my inspirations come from my instructors telling me, "Design something that____________."
On the other hand, being home doesn't feel the same as it used to. Sadly, my kids keep growing up as I while away my days at school; they have become very self-sufficient and I sometimes think they'd prefer to not have me around. Housekeeping loses a lot of its charm when I'm not there to do it every day—it can be pretty overwhelming. (They may be self-sufficient, but they still don't keep the house very clean.) Cooking isn't so much fun when I come in the door tired and hungry but can't start preparing the meal until 5:00. Most evenings I just rattle around the house wondering what to do with myself. I am realizing that after four years of full-time school, life at home probably won't be the same as before I started. And should it be?
So what DO I want? Am I a designer—or could I be? Do I want a career? Do I want to be a stay-at-home mom? Is there something in-between? Who am I? What inspires me?
If I can't answer these questions then school becomes very tedious and . . . futile!
And home isn't so much fun either.
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