Right and Responsibility

The world makes me tired.  Last night Bruce was reading his facebook (and I was reading over his shoulder), and a friend of his posted an opinion that was so totally opposite of what we think, that he just had to respond (and I sat there and "helped"—mostly by watching, and catching his typos).  So we were both up too late, composing this response, and I am literally tired by it.  But my mind is also very tired of the world's way of thinking.

So here's the deal:  This friend, Steph,  saw a post by another of her friends.  Steph's friend posted a story about a woman who was talked out of getting an abortion, and Steph was highly offended by it.  She talked about how the story said nothing about the woman's situation or feelings, and she talked about how a woman who could raise one child in a loving home might be thrown off the deep end by having a second child and so would give both children a terrible home.  And she talked about a woman's right to have sex.

Here is Bruce's response: 

"I am Pro-Life. If a person is a person after birth, then a person is a person at conception. We play legal definition games to justify fornication and adultery. (What percent of all women seeking an abortion are in a stable, long-term relationship—aka 'marriage?') Society claims that a woman’s right to have sex trumps the right of a human being to live another day.

And if a woman has the right to have sex, what about a man? Does he have the right to have sex, too? How about his right to procreate? Oh. He has no right to have children. He has to hope he can find a woman who will carry his heir to term. Does a man have a right to end the pregnancy he caused, but didn’t intend, as a woman does, because he is 'desperate?' Or, because he would be an 'abysmal, broken [father]' to an additional child? Nope: at her whim, he has no choice but to have one fourth of his paycheck garnished, less than half the right to even see his child, and no say at all in requesting to 'abort' the pregnancy he caused to avoid this travesty.

Maybe we could try an old idea, well known to bring happiness to the man and the woman: no sex before marriage, fidelity after, and all the sex they both want for as long as they want. Children are optional. Or possibly, essential. Because even out of wedlock, a baby is a beautiful, powerful addition to the human race. Every single baby is one of us."

Hear, hear!

And then I woke up this morning with this thought:  All rights come with responsibility, and all choices come with consequences. 

For example, this morning you could say I had the right to eat breakfast, and I had the choice to eat whatever I wanted.  I chose to have a maple-buttercream donut for breakfast.  And it was delicious!   A more responsible choice might have been a cup of raspberries and some yogurt (which was my intention when I went to the store).  The consequence of my choice is that in probably an hour I will be hungry again, but feeling like I shouldn't have another meal yet because I just had big hunk of fat and sugar for breakfast, and lunch isn't too far off.  Well, I can probably live with that; it is all my problem.

But some other rights and choices affect other people, not just me, and so those rights have to be earned.  For example, I have the right to drive my car to the store so I can buy a maple-buttercream donut.  But I had to earn that right by taking Driver's Ed, passing a written test and a driving test, getting my car registered every year, and paying to renew my driver's license every five years.  By doing those things I have proved that I have the right to drive a car, but I still have the responsibility to follow the laws that earned me that right.  If I don't follow those laws the consequence could be a broken vehicle, possibly losing my license, injuries, or even death.

Let me get to the point:  You can say that a woman (or a man) has the right to have sex.  OK.  But there are consequences that come with making the choice to have sex and responsibilities that come with that right.  One consequence is that you might get pregnant.  So if you don't want that to happen you have the responsibility to take precautions against it.  If the consequence of your choice to have sex is that you do get pregnant, then you also have a responsibility to the child; it's not just about you. (Face it: it stopped being just about you when you went ahead and had sex with another person!)

Sex is a BIG thing that affects more than one person:  it affects the woman, the man, and, if she gets pregnant, the child.  If there is a pregnancy involved it will most likely have an effect on the couple's closest friends and family, too.  So I say the "right" to have sex must be earned.  And here's how you earn it: 
Prove that you can be loyal to ONE person by not having sex with anyone until you meet that One person. 
Prove that you are committed to that One person by marrying him/her—before you have sex together. 
Prove daily, hourly, and minute-by-minute that you will remain committed to that One person, in your thoughts, your words, and your actions.  Then in that marriage, if there is a pregnancy—planned, or not—the baby can come into the home of a committed, responsible, caring family.  If the mother is distressed, or feels like she will be "an abysmal, broken" parent, she has a committed, loving husband to help her through this, and vice-versa. (If they are both abysmal and broken there's always therapy. Or, keeping the child in mind, adoption.)

You do have the right to make any choices that you want.  But realize that most of your choices really will affect more people than yourself.  Put some thought—past the thought of instant, personal gratification—behind your actions.  And then accept the consequences and the responsibility for your choices!