English Paper

I am posting my last English paper before I have to turn it in for my mid-term portfolio on Wednesday.  The teacher likes the paper, but suggests that I conclude by telling what effect it might have on my family (this will make more sense after you read my instructions).  So, read my paper and then send me your ideas ASAP. Thanks!

ACCIDENTAL APPLESAUCE

A recipe for the theatrically-minded cook

This recipe, from the North Test Kitchen, was not originally intended to be applesauce; it was meant to be apple pie.  But our head chef made a mistake and the happy end result was this delicious applesauce.  Cooks of all ages can make Accidental Applesauce, although you should have basic recipe-reading skills and know how to use a vegetable peeler, a chef's knife, and a stove.  CHILDREN WHO WISH TO MAKE THIS RECIPE SHOULD HAVE AN ADULT-HELPER!

     WARNING:  Unless they are very gullible, your friends or family will only believe this theatrical technique the first time you try it.  It is advisable to read the recipe several times, and  memorize the instructions before you begin.

Tools:

• vegetable peeler*
• chef's knife*
• melon-baller*
• 6-quart stock pot with a lid*
• stove (natural gas or electric)
• a hand-blender* or a blender, or a food-processor
• ladle
• three quart-size canning jars or food-storage containers or six pint-size canning jars or food-storage containers
• cell phone (optional)
• large bath towel (optional)

*see illustrations

Ingredients:

• 8 large Honeycrisp apples
• 4 large Granny Smith apples
• 4 large Jonagold apples
• 4 large Braeburn apples
• 2 Tbsp. lemon juice
• 1 cup water
• 3/4 cup sugar, or to taste

Method:

     TIP:  It is best to have lots of friends/family around when you

     make this, to get the best mileage out of your dramatics.

1.   Announce to your friends/family that you are going to make apple pie.

2.   Use the vegetable peeler to peel all the apples.

3.   With the chef's knife, slice each apple in half lengthwise (from stem to blossom-end).

4.   Use the melon-baller to remove the core from each apple half.

5.   Cut the apples into approximately 1/4-inch slices.

     TIP:  Steps two through five take forever!  Make sure your

     friends/family know this, and try to recruit their help with

     these steps.

6.   Place them into the stock pot (the apple slices, not the helpers!) and toss with the lemon juice.

7.   Add the water to the apples in the pot.

8.   Cover the pot and place it on the stove; turn heat to low.

     TIP:  At this point you should loudly announce to your

     friends/family that you are going to a nearby friend's or

     relative's house, and will be back in ten minutes.  This is

     known as the Visiting Method.

     If you don't have someone to go visit, pour yourself a bath

     instead; you do not need to make any announcements in

     this case.  This is known as the Bathtub Method.

9.   Go to your friend's or relative's house (or get into the bathtub) and "forget" all about the apples for an hour.  After the hour is up, "remember" that your apples are still cooking.

10a. Visiting Method:  Call your friends/family at home and shriek into the phone, "Turn off the stove!  Yes, the burner where the apples are!"  Make a hasty explanation to your friend, say goodbye, and hurry home.

     TIP:  When you get back home, be sure to rush in the door

     and straight to the kitchen so everyone knows you are
     hurrying.  Saying, "Aaaaagh! Did I burn the apples?!" is a
     nice touch.

10b. Bathtub Method:  Wrap yourself in a towel and run, dripping wet, straight into the kitchen.  This creates a very memorable effect.  Saying, "Aaaaagh! Did I burn the apples?!" adds to the scene.

11.  MAKE SURE THE STOVE IS TURNED OFF!

12.  Remove the lid from the pot of apples.  Poke at the apples with a fork a few times and complain (loudly) that they are too mushy and can't possibly be made into pie.

13.  Sigh heavily and say, "I guess I will just have to make them into applesauce."

     TIP:  If you are using the Bathtub Method you should now
     go get dried off and dressed before you finish making the
     applesauce.

14.  If you are using a hand-blender:  Dip the blender wand into the apples and blend until they become smooth and look like applesauce.

If you are using a regular blender or food-processor:  Process one to two cups of the cooked apples at a time in the blender or food-processor container until they turn into applesauce.  Put finished applesauce into a large bowl.  Repeat until all apples are processed.

15.  Stir in sugar, to taste.

16.  Taste the applesauce and make a big fuss about how very delicious it is.

Accidental Applesauce may be served warm or refrigerated.  Refrigerate leftovers for up to one week.

Makes about 3 quarts of really delicious applesauce!

 

OK.  My teacher liked this paper.  The only thing she told me to think about was this:  "Result of dramatics?  Maybe tie back in you 'friends/family" and what effect this drama may have on them?"

So please answer this question:  If I made this recipe in your presence, following these instructions exactly, what effect would it have on you?  What would you think about the whole performance?  Post your answer in the comments ASAP. Thanks!