is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty." - L. Frank Baum, "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz."My question is not whether you do things that you are afraid to do. The question is this: "Do you do things--scary or not--if you don't already know, somehow, that you can do them?"
I have been called "brave" and even "amazing" because I demolished and rebuilt a room, or just because I removed and replaced a toilet without having ever done these things before. But I had seen my dad and brothers do these things; I could picture myself doing them and I knew I could do them. People are impressed that I sew or cook or play the piano well. But I know I can do these things; I'm not sure that it's so astounding for me to do them over and over again.
On the other hand, I don't play ball. I am afraid of objects flying at me; I am afraid of looking like a dork on the ball field. I can tell myself that playing ball isn't a matter of life and death, it's not essential to my salvation and so it doesn't really matter if I do it or not. (Of course, replacing the toilet is probably not essential to my salvation either--although slightly more necessary in the here and now). But really, I don't see myself playing ball. I don't want to. I don't know if I'd be good at it (actually, I really doubt that I would).
OK. It's not that I think playing ball is the ultimate test of how cool I am--this is just the first thing that came to mind.
But think of this question in any aspect of life--of doing or not doing. If you envision yourself doing something, does just that make you then be successful at it? Or would you really be just as clumsy at it, or afraid of it as you are now? And is it cowardly to not try . . . any thing?
2 comments:
I think there are things we don't try because we know we shouldn't. Maybe it's something very dangerous (or illegal) or bad for our health.
I do believe that if you can see yourself doing something...envision it, you can be good at. Not professional or exceptional necessarily, but competent.
Two things jumped to mind when I read your post.
1. I read a very forgettable book last year that had one line that has stuck with me. The main character had some tenets she lived by and one was:
*Nobody is looking at you.*
I think this is VERY TRUE. I think we are so concerned about what people will think of us (particularly strangers that we will never see again), that we hold ourselves back from trying something new out of fear of failure or looking foolish.
2. David's mom died of cancer. Before she died, he asked her if she regretting anything about her life (and it was *ahem* a colorful life filled with addictions, marriages and then some).
She said the only things she regretted are the things she wanted to do but never tried.
Okay, Loralee and Kim, you've hit me right where I live. My greatest fear is the fear of failure. So I suppose I'm envisioning falling flat on my face, and losing all credibility with every one around me. So I haven't done some things I know I should be doing.
I have seen lately that this fear has not only kept me from pushing forward, But the very thing I fear (no credibility) seems to haunt me anyway. Law of Attraction?
So now I do the scary stuff anyway, and I seem to be in one piece still. And I feel a lot better--in general, and my self-esteem's in better shape.
So yes, Kim, I take a new approach to how I think about other's perceptions of me. Now I envision everyone--even total stangers--as completely thrilled to see me, because they know I can fix all their problems. Loralee, it's because I KNOW I CAN fix all their problems.
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