The Unrepentant Sinner

Last Christmas Bruce got me a copy of Cooks Illustrated Magazine, and it was full of wonderful recipes and tips. But the one that intrigued me most was "Almost No-Knead Bread" which promised the fabulous flavor and texture of the best bakery breads but with much less work. The big problem was that the recipe called for 1/4 cup of beer (not a full-bodied beer, but a nice, "light American lager"--like I'd even know the difference). So every day for about three weeks I'd look at the recipe and consider whether I was nervy enough to actually go and buy a beer. I even looked around at the stores when I went grocery shopping--only to find that it mostly comes in six-packs or even bigger packages. So then I thought maybe I'd go borrow a can from my neighbor. But which is worse, buying a beer myself or asking the neighbor for one?

I finally decided I'd just go buy one myself. So I went to Smiths--to buy brownie mix. There was almost nobody in the store; certainly no one who knew me. But I just couldn't do it. I picked up the brownie mix and started to leave. But halfway to the checkout I started debating with myself; and finally I went down the refrigerated beverage aisle and spent a lot of time looking for a single beer. I discovered that if you want a single can you can only get a GIANT one! So I went away without the loot, only to spend more time debating whether or not I should actually buy it. After three more trips through that aisle I snatched a can and hid it between the brownie mix and my purse. Fortunately I didn't run into anyone on my way to the checkout lane (the store really was dead that night).

I made it all the way to the cash register and then the cashier asked me how I was doing. Now, this 20-year-old kid doesn't know me and couldn't care less whether I bought out a whole liquor store. But here I go, babbling on about how I don't drink beer, I feel like a criminal buying one, it's for a bread recipe, etc. etc. etc. He was very helpful and said that the alcohol should all cook out anyway; he even suggested that maybe I could buy some cooking wine instead. [I don't think so!]

Well, I got out pretty much intact, but now I had to go home and sneak a HUGE can of beer past my kids. Since they were all involved in a movie I did manage to do that fairly well. Of course I had to start my bread after all the kids went to bed (it's an over-night recipe, so that's OK). And since I only needed 1/4 cup of lager I figured I could save the rest for later, also saving myself some future trauma.

Here's what I learned: You can pour beer into another container and put it in the freezer but it never loses its fizz, so it leaks all over the place. Jason saw it in the freezer and thought I'd frozen apple juice or pineapple juice (and wanted some), so I had to explain the whole thing to him. He was a little surprised.

However we all came out OK. The bread was fabulous; and in a few days the whole thing seemed like a big joke (although when I told my in-laws the story some of them seemed to totally disapprove). Still, I don't think I'll be buying any more beer any time soon. I found a recipe for a sourdough bread starter that uses grapes instead of yeast--you mix the grapes with flour and water and let them ferment. So I've started brewing my own. ;-)

p.s. The sourdough is really fantastic too!
p.p.s. I found out later that you can use non-alcoholic beer in this bread. Should've read the recipe more carefully.
p.p.p.s. I'll post the recipe on my other blog. Buy the non-alcoholic beer.